Lesson #8 - When You've Gotta Go ...

Country Lesson #8 - When you've gotta go, it just can't wait.  The girls have been transitioning to city life relatively smoothly.  Marigold and Rosie thoroughly enjoy being able to sleep inside the back porch, and I love only having to allot 20 minutes to cut the grass.  I can get ice cream and sweets any time I want, any where I want, and I live less than a block away from Kroger.  I have yet to get gas.  We've had a few interesting mishaps thus far.  I caught the oven on fire, so we've been without an oven for the last week and a half.  I'm used to cooking with an electric oven, and I keep all of the cookie sheets and pans under the oven.  This becomes problematic when you also keep a bamboo cutting board under the oven and it catches fire on the flame of the gas oven.  Luckily, there was little to no damage, minus the oven itself.  Ducks, squirrels, and geese have become fascinating to the girls recently.  They showed me their fascination yesterday when they pulled me into a muddy creek while attempting to chase ducks on our walk.  Unfortunately for Marigold and Rosie, ducks can fly away.   Marigold hasn't quite figured out how to go to the bathroom in the grass on our walks.  When the urge strikes, Marigold goes right in the middle of the sidewalk and refuses to wait for me to pick it up.  My keys, phone, and their leashes have all fallen victim to her uncontrollable urges and my attempts to pick them up.  I am a walking sideshow on our daily adventures together, as they pull me every which way, but they keep me on my toes and make me smile.  I look forward to more adventures in the city with them.  Country Lesson #8 - Life be pretty wonderful if we all had the "gotta go," seize the moment, free attitude of the dogs, minus the public use of the restroom :)

Lesson #7 - You Just Can’t Escape the Country

Country Lesson #7 – You Just Can’t Escape the Country –After almost two years, Josh and I are moving back to Louisville, but country living will always be a huge part of Josh and now, both fortunately and unfortunately, a huge part of me.   There are great job opportunities for us there and I’ll get to be closer to my family, friends, and my first niece in July.  There were many days that I could not wait for this day to happen; however, it is very bittersweet.  While Josh and I are going to live in the city of Louisville right now, we’re already looking for land outside of Louisville and builders in the area.  I love that Josh  is a country boy, although he didn’t love last week we he thought he was dressed fancy for work in his boots and Tractor Supply flannel shirt and two of his co-workers told him he looked like Larry the Cable Guy. J I’m more than a little nervous about Marigold’s transition into a city living and all of the noises, animals, smells, and people that come along with that; however, Mari, just like Josh, will forever have the country inside of her.  I am very thankful that I’ll never be able to escape it and look forward to owning my own smaller piece of the country, in the not quite so rural country, in the near future.  More will follow, as I’ll forever be figuring out the mix between the two.  Country Lesson #7 – You’ll never be the same once you have experienced country.  

Lesson #6 - Pitchers are LARGELY Outnumbered by Savers.

Country Lesson #6 - Pitchers are LARGELY outnumbered by savers.  There are alternate uses for everything.  I am and have always been a pitcher.  My twin sister and I used to go through the garage, refrigerator, and closets when my dad was gone and throw away everything that had no immediate use.  I hate clutter and I go through all my clothes and shoes on a regular basis to donate whatever I haven’t worn within the past year.  I don’t keep things for later.  This mindset is the exact opposite from the country mindset.  Josh’s dad has countless vehicles, lawnmowers, farm machinery, and tools that no longer work; however, he saves them in case he ever needs the functioning parts for something else.  He can manipulate any piece of equipment to make it work for whatever he needs.  This random mix of parts and supplies doesn’t allow for the most attractive tools, vehicles, or machinery, but it has saved them many times in the past.  People nearby have all kinds of extra material goods, both functioning and not functioning, around their yards and porches, so I can only imagine what the inside of their houses is like.  If you haven’t always had what you need, you hold on to what you do have for as long as possible.  Early on in our engagement, Josh and I couldn’t see eye to eye on this.  I didn’t understand why he needed 50+ cutoff work t-shirts and wanted him to get rid of some of them.  In the process of going through his t-shirts, I pitched his Carhartt work coveralls.  I’ve never seen panic like a farm boy who can’t find his coveralls.  He still brings up the fact that I made him get rid of some of his “good” cutoffs, as opposed to the 30+ cutoffs he still has.  I haven’t gotten much better, but I can acknowledge that I should at least consult Josh and think about short-term and long-term uses of things.  This has been a hard lesson to learn.  Country Lesson #6 – Maybe I’m not the best saver, but I’ll hopefully learn to hold on to material goods for a little longer than before.  Cleanliness is still necessary!

Lesson #5 - City Girls ARE NOT Meant for Country Roads

Country Lesson #5 – City Girls ARE NOT Meant for Country Roads – I am Sue Schlarman’s daughter.  That alone should tell you that driving is an area of weakness for me, as it is for most Schlarman/Eifert women.  I’ve been pulled over for speeding several times in my 9 years of driving; however, I’ve never been in an accident before the country roads.   In my first driving disaster here, I turned an hour trip into a three hour trip.  I pulled into my professional development in Hazard with a large black crow stuck in my radiator.  Luckily, the bird’s wings were still flapping up over my windshield to alert all the other drivers that the girl in the white Corolla clearly didn’t belong.  In minor disaster #2, I slide off the road on the two mile trip from Josh’s parents’ house to our house and had to have his dad pull me out with his truck.  On the way to my bachelorette party a couple months later, I hydroplaned into the side of a mountain, causing $3,000 worth of cosmetic damage to my Corolla.  These disasters should have been a warning sign that commuting 3 hours a day on country roads to and from my job is not be the smartest idea.  Unfortunately, I got Sue Schlarman’s stubborn attitude as well.  On May 31, 2012, I was driving to work just like any other day.  On a curvier part of the trip, something unknown happened and I went off the road, flipping my new Prius seven times, causing a totaled car and over $400,000 worth of medical bills.  I was in the hospital for 37 days and had six months of outpatient rehabilitation for my fractured scapula, three traumatic brain injuries, three fractured vertebrae in my neck, broken finger, two broken ribs, and fluid-filled, punctured lungs.  It took over a month to gain strength to walk, shower myself, eat, and drink again.  I met some absolutely phenomenal people as a result of the accident and have come out even stronger than I was before.  Although I’ve come to accept that this city girl isn’t a country driver, or maybe a good driver on any roads, I’m finally back to driving nonetheless.  Country Lesson #5 – Country roads and city roads are not the same.  If you’re a bad city driver, you’re likely a bad country driver.  You’re just a bad driver J

Lesson #4 - Rural Life is Extremely Political. Merit Doesn't Mean Opportunity

Country Lesson #4 - Rural life extremely is political – I am a teacher by calling.  In my city life, I taught third graders in an incredibly challenging school.  Some days, I would come home frustrated beyond words, but I always knew that teaching was what I was called to do.  I assumed that as a qualified, passionate, and well-respected teacher that I would have no problems finding a teaching job in one of the many struggling school systems in the Appalachian Mountains.  This was certainly not the case.  After applying to and actively pursuing six different school systems within an hour and a half radius of McKee, I had absolutely no luck.  There were over 15 jobs posted on the Kentucky Department of Education website, and I contacted hiring officials and principals about every job opening.  My boss called other principals and I visited schools and boards of education to introduce myself and personally submit my application and teaching philosophy statement.  Several other teachers wrote letters of recommendation and contacted schools on my behalf, but I never received so much as an email or phone call back.  As the months passed and I talked to people from the area, I came to realize that I wasn’t going to get a teaching job regardless of my previous honors, recommendations, or qualifications.  I didn’t know the right people.  I wasn’t married to the son of a board member and I’m not the daughter of a local sheriff or politician.  I was a foreigner and around here foreigners are not trusted.   Country Lesson #4 – Life is political and merit does not always equal the opportunity you had hoped for.

Lesson #3 - Country is a Way of Life

Country Lesson #3 - Country is a Way of Life - There is a different between “country” and country.  I quickly came to realize that my previous notion of “country” was nothing like the life that Josh’s family led.  Yes, they had tons of land where they can escape from city living, ride four wheelers, and party (if Jackson County wasn’t a dry county); however, they embody country living at its truest sense.  They always have and always will live off and depend upon the land.  Josh’s family has raised tobacco, dairy cattle, beef cattle, pigs, meat chickens, egg chickens, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, potatoes, tomatoes, corn, pumpkins, gourds, herbs, flowers, and hay. The farm has not only provided them with food, it has also provided thousands of others with fresh, sustainably raised food for over 30 years at farmers markets throughout the state of Kentucky.  Without the farm, they wouldn’t have been able to survive, and that sense of dependence on a farm creates a very different lifestyle. They need the food from the land because the nearest highway or substantial grocery store is 45 minutes away, which is still miserably hard to get used to some days.  It has happened many times that dinner plans have to change because I forgot one ingredient at the grocery store.  They can’t go on vacations or make definitive plans because, from their experiences on the farm, there are too many things out of their control that can and often do go wrong. Sometimes birthdays and holidays have to be put on hold in order to cut hay before it rains or take care of an injured calf.  One bad storm can wipe out their ability to make farm payments and change the course of their entire year.  There is love/hate relationship between them and the land because it provides them with food and a way to make a living, yet it ensures a life of instability, poverty and stress.  This relationship to me is country living.  Country Lesson #3 - Country is a way of life and a relationship with the land, not a couple acres to party and ride four wheelers on.  Josh will always be country.

Lesson #2 - Country Dogs are Not the Same as City Dogs

Country Lesson #2 – Country Dogs are Not the Same as City Dogs - Although I’ve been here almost two years, I still believe that country dogs are a vicious, rabid cousin of city dogs.  I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve had to dodge dogs chasing my car the entire way down the street or fighting in the field.  I’m afraid to get near anyone’s dog and am afraid someone will shoot my dogs if they get out.  Before moving to McKee, I’d never known anything other than inside dogs that love to go on walks and play fetch.  I’ve had two dogs my entire life and they were truly a part of my family. Josh has been through 15+ dogs and thinks it’s no big deal if one runs off or gets hit by a car.  All of my dogs lived entirely inside, except for playing in our fenced in backyard and going on long walks.  All of Josh’s dogs lived entirely outside, except for sleeping in the barn or basement if it was too cold or were injured.  It didn’t go over well when Josh told me that my newfound love, a 10-week old Bloodhound named Marigold, was going to have to live outside.  “What do you mean live outside?  Just play outside and come inside to sleep and get shelter on rainy days, right?”  I was terrified as I pulled into the farm to see a dog house, inside of a fenced in kennel with a roof.  I’ve had him build additional houses to go over their houses and put an overhead fan in the kennel to ease my mind somewhat.  I’m still not sold on the idea.  We have had our fair share of battles over Marigold and Rosie being outside, and I sneak them inside when the weather is rough or I need a cuddle buddy while Josh is at work.  Josh can always tell when he walks into the house and sees candles burning.  It’s not for setting the mood; it’s to cover up the dogs’ scent!  If there has ever been a 100 pound dopey, lovable, non-rabid hybrid of a country dog and a city dog, Marigold is attempting to be it!  She swims in the muddy pond and flops and rolls over skunk carcasses all day, but she expects to be pampered and spoiled at the same time.  She didn’t do so well the first time my twin sister tried to take her for a run in Covington, as she got distracted by every biker and squirrel that crossed her path and thought the middle of the sidewalk was the perfect place to use the restroom.  She’ll get there.  Marigold is trying her best to be a little bit country and a little bit city, just like her mother!  Country Lesson #2 – While some country dogs are crazy, others are just trying to figure out this whole country/city thing like me.

Lesson #1 - Country Meals are Feasts, Not Meals

Country meals are feasts not meals – I’m a thin woman.  For the past 8 years I’ve been 5’9 and 115ish pounds and I eat five small meals a day.  Staying in shape and maintaining a thin figure was something that was stressed throughout my adolescence and young adulthood in the suburbs, and eating in moderation is one of the most important ways to do this.  As I walked into Josh’s parents' house for the first time on a random Thursday in October, I was immediately almost knocked out by the smell of food: turkey, carrots, creamed corn, green beans, baked potatoes, mac and cheese, potato salad, pasta salad, rolls, chocolate cake, and white chocolate covered Oreos. We sat down at the dinner table and I grabbed my plate last as I pondered the problem ahead.  How was I going to fit all that food on my plate (and into my mouth) so as to not offend Josh’s parents and show how thankful I was for this wonderful, home-cooked and home-grown meal? I placed the smallest portions of every dish on my plate so that they were all smashed together, yet everything made its way to my plate. I tried every dish and was immediately thankful that I wore my lose jeans that day.  I felt miserably guilty as Josh’s mom asked, “don’t you want more food?” I had to refuse, but I truthfully thought they were going to have to roll me out of the kitchen.   Every time we ate over there, I faced this same problem.  I worried about trying to eat enough to show my appreciation but not eating so much that I gained 10 pounds after every visit.  After four years of attempting to stuff my face, I’ve learned to only take what I know I can handle, and ask for the left-overs for upcoming meals.  Country lesson #1 – There are worse things than having a sustainably raised, home-cooked feast every once in a while instead of a small meal.  When I am 300 pounds, we will know why. 

My Previous Country Experience

In order to understand and learn some valuable life lessons from my story, you must understand the context of my life before moving to McKee, Kentucky, located in the Appalachian Mountains, population 796.  I grew up 10 minutes from downtown Cincinnati in a subdivision.  We had a mid-sized house with a small fenced in yard, indoor pets, and could walk almost anywhere we needed to go.   The area was largely Catholic and I attended a Catholic elementary, middle, high school, and university.  We went shopping, to the movies, athletic events, or art fairs on the weekends and complained about having to drive 20 minutes to get to the Florence Mall.  Everything was immediately at hand.  I had friends who were “country” in that their families owned an acre or two of land outside of the city limits, in addition to a subdivision house, and people went there to get out of the city, ride four wheelers, and party.  Few, if any, animals lived or had ever lived on the land.  When I stated that hay bales rolled together on their own like tumbleweed or you had to have a special collar for an electric fence to work, none of my friends had the knowledge to refute. As you can imagine, I learned that both of these statements are wildly and sometimes painfully false. In the beginning of our relationship, I assumed that my boyfriend, Josh, from Jackson County, Kentucky, came from much the same kind of “country” background that my other friends came from.  With this assumption, I entered McKee, Kentucky for the first time.  Here is where my lessons began and continue as I married Josh and am still learning lessons as an accidental country girl.